so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
