It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
