Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
