even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
