I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
