dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
