dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
