I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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