goodnight i made you a song goodbye
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
