i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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