found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
