I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
