Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
