OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize