Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
