Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
