Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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