so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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