yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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