On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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