there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize