I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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