Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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