Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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