I wish my penis had an off switch
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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