sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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