I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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