I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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