I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
And then he peed in my hair
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