well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
