I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
