This is not my ceiling
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
