my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
