TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
