i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
