Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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