I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
