I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
