Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
