You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
