I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
