apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
