I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
