I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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