i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
