tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
