There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can text with my tongue
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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