He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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