when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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