she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
