oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
