Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
