Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
