I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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