I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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