I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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