really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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