You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize