Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
