The maid of honor just puked.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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