i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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