Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just cropdusted the office
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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