I will die if light touches me.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
