do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think a kid would responsible me up
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
