he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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