you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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