dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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