I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
