oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
