He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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