dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
